Narcissists yog cov neeg uas saib tus kheej, tsis muaj kev nkag siab, thiab zoo li xav tau kev saib xyuas tas li thiab kev qhuas. Feem ntau, cov tib neeg no muaj kev nkag siab ntawm lawv tus kheej qhov tseem ceeb thiab muaj kev ntseeg tus kheej tsis yooj yim. Yog li ntawd, lawv yog cov tsis yooj yim rau kev thuam. Yog tias koj tau sib yuav nrog tus txiv tsis paub cai, koj muaj kev sib raug zoo uas, vam tias, kab lus no tuaj yeem pab koj txhim kho los ntawm kev coj koj mus rau txoj hauv kev uas koj tuaj yeem tswj hwm koj tus txiv tus cwj pwm.
Cov kauj ruam
Ntu 1 ntawm 3: Paub Thaum Kev Sib Txheeb Tsis Zoo
Kauj Ruam 1. Txiav txim siab yog tias koj tus txiv qia dub
Cov neeg Narcissistic feem ntau tsis tshua xav txog tus kheej, xav txog lawv tus kheej nkaus xwb. Lawv tau nthuav tawm egos thiab xav mloog thiab qhuas. Lawv mob siab rau tus kheej thiab ib txwm tab tom nrhiav txoj hauv kev los ua qhov zoo tshaj lossis ua tiav. Vim li no, tus txiv uas tsis nyiam nws yuav tsis hlub koj npaum li koj hlub nws. Nws tuaj yeem saib xyuas ntau ntxiv txog nws cov kev xav tau thiab kev nyiam thaum tsis saib xyuas koj li hlo li.
Lawv tsis muaj kev khuv leej rau lwm tus, tsis tuaj yeem tso lawv tus kheej rau lwm tus neeg lub khau lossis nkag siab thiab mob siab txog yam uas lwm tus neeg tau ntsib
Kauj Ruam 2. Txiav txim siab yog tias koj tus txiv khib siab dhau
Narcissists tau mob siab rau ua ntej thiab tau txais kev qhuas uas lawv tau khib ntawm lwm tus neeg txoj kev ua tiav. Qhov no tuaj yeem ua rau muaj tus cwj pwm lossis txawm tias ua phem.
Kauj Ruam 3. Nug koj tus kheej yog tias koj tus txiv yog tus coj lossis tswj hwm
Narcissistic tus txiv tuaj yeem sim tswj hwm lawv tus txij nkawm los ntawm kev cais lawv los ntawm cov phooj ywg thiab tsev neeg, uas yuam tus txij nkawm kom nyob ntawm tus txiv. Lawv tseem tuaj yeem sim tswj hwm thiab tswj hwm lawv tus txij nkawm los ntawm kev tsis qhia nws txoj kev hlub lossis kev saib xyuas.
- Qee tus txiv neej tsis txaus ntseeg tuaj yeem siv kev hais lus thiab kev xav phem. Lawv tuaj yeem ua rau koj quaj lossis xav tias tsis zoo raws li kev tswj hwm.
- Lawv kuj tseem tuaj yeem siv kev npau taws hauv kev rau siab tswj hwm thiab tswj hwm lawv tus poj niam.
Kauj Ruam 4. Txiav txim siab yog tias koj tus txiv dag
Narcissists siv lus dag los tswj lawv tus txij nkawm. Lawv qhia ib nrab qhov tseeb lossis lawv qhov tseeb tsis raug ntawm qhov tseeb yog li lawv tsis tas yuav lav ris rau ib yam dab tsi. Ntau zaus, qhov kev liam tau hloov mus rau tus txij nkawm. Qhov no tsis zoo rau tus txij nkawm vim tias lawv xaus nrog txhua qhov kev liam, kev lav phib xaub, thiab kev ua txhaum.
Ntu 2 ntawm 3: Hais Nrog Koj Tus Txiv
Kauj Ruam 1. Tham nrog koj tus txiv
Vim tias koj tau sib yuav, koj yuav tsum muaj peev xwm tham tau ncaj ncees thiab ncaj ncees txog cov teeb meem uas tshwm sim. Nco ntsoov khaws lub taub hau theem thaum koj tham nrog nws. Nco ntsoov tawm suab kom ntseeg tau, thiab piav qhia rau nws hauv txoj kev tsis sib cav uas koj tsis txaus siab rau txoj kev coj koj kev sib raug zoo. Zam cov suab nrov thiab cov lus; narcissists tsis ua zoo nrog kev thuam.
- Qhia nws seb nws qia dub ua rau koj xav li cas. Sim hais tej yam zoo li, "Kuv yuav tsum tham nrog koj txog koj tus cwj pwm qias neeg. Nws ua rau kuv mob vim tias …" Yog tias koj ntshai nws tau dag lossis siv sijhawm ntau dhau nrog lwm tus poj niam, hais tias, "Koj txhais tau ntau rau kuv; Kuv hnov koj tham nrog nws thiab kuv ntshai kuv tsis txaus rau koj. " Yog tias koj tus txiv hais tej yam ua phem, qhia nws, "Koj lub tswv yim txhais tau tias lub ntiaj teb rau kuv; thaum kuv hnov koj tham nrog kuv li ntawd kuv xav tias me me thiab tsis muaj nqis hauv koj lub qhov muag." Sim tsis txhob npau taws rau koj tus txij nkawm. Qhib tham txog koj qhov raug mob thiab ntshai yog txheej txheem kev sib txuas lus zoo dua.
- Xav txog koj tus txiv qhov kev xav thiab kev xav ntawm qhov ntsuas ntawm 1-10. Yog tias nws npau taws lossis chim siab ntawm qib 3 lossis siab dua, tos ua ntej tawm tswv yim kho mob. Hais txog nws thaum nws qhov kev xav siab yuav ua rau tsis muaj txiaj ntsig.
Kauj Ruam 2. Nug cov lus nug kom nkag siab tias nws tuaj qhov twg tuaj
Nug cov lus nug yog txheej txheem uas yuav ua rau nws zoo vim nws tsom mus rau kev sib tham ntawm nws.
- Txhais qhov nws hais rau koj los qhia tias koj tab tom mloog thaum nws tham. Qhov no tseem pab ua kom nws nyob hauv nruab nrab, uas yuav pab koj txav mus rau koj qhov kev txhawj xeeb tom qab.
- Daim iav uas nws hais. Yog tias koj tus txiv hais tias, "Kuv xav tias tsis muaj leej twg txaus siab rau qhov kuv ua," teb nrog, "Kuv paub tseeb tias qhov kev xav zoo li cas. Qhov ntawd yuav tsum nyuaj thiab txaus ntshai heev."
Kauj Ruam 3. Siv lub sij hawm peb hloov ntawm koj
Thaum taw qhia nws qhov ua yuam kev lossis qhia tus kws pab tswv yim sib yuav, siv "peb" hloov "koj". Qhov no ua rau pom qhov tsis sib xws ntawm kev lav phib xaub sib koom thiab liam tsis yog ua rau nws zoo li txhua yam nws ua txhaum, uas tuaj yeem ua rau muaj kev cuam tshuam tsis zoo hauv tus neeg narcissist.
Tsis txhob hais tias, "Koj ua phem rau kuv los ntawm kev qia dub," hais tias, "Peb ua phem rau lwm tus vim tias qee zaum peb xav txog peb tus kheej ntau dua ib leeg."
Kauj Ruam 4. Kab txhua yam yog li nws hais txog nws cov txiaj ntsig
Narcissists tsis tshua mob siab txog lwm tus neeg cov kev xav tau. Txhawm rau kom tau qee yam uas koj xav tau, ua kom zoo li nws hais txog nws.
- Yog tias koj xav mus rau phooj ywg lub tsev noj hmo, tsis txhob hais tias, "Kuv xav mus noj hmo nrog Bob thiab Julie." Xwb, hais tias, "Lawv hlub koj tiag; lawv yuav nyiam kom koj noj hmo."
- Ua rau koj tus txiv paub tias ua dab tsi rau koj xav txog nws zoo. Hais ib yam zoo li, "Los ntawm kev pab kuv ntxuav lub nkas -las, koj qhia txhua tus paub tias koj tau saib xyuas kuv zoo li cas."
Kauj Ruam 5. Ua tib zoo tham txog kev sib yuav
Coob leej neeg quav yeeb quav tshuaj tau ua phem rau lub tswv yim ntawm kev kho, yog li koj yuav tsum ua tib zoo xav txog koj cov lus thaum hais qhia nws. Ua rau nws zoo li yog teeb meem sib koom, uas muaj qee yam uas koj ob leeg tuaj yeem ua haujlwm dhau los, yuav txhawb kom nws pom zoo nrhiav kev sab laj nrog koj. Ua lub luag haujlwm rau koj qhov kev ua es tsis thawb nws txhua qhov.
- Piv txwv li, hais tias, "Kuv xav mus ntsib kws kho mob kom paub seb peb tuaj yeem sib txuas lus tau zoo dua li cas thiab txaus siab rau ib leeg lub tuam txhab ntau dua. xav tau. " Qhov no ua rau lub suab tsis raug liam.
- Cog lus ua ke mus koom ntau ntu. Qhov no tseem ceeb vim tias ib ntu yuav zaum tsis txaus. Hloov chaw, tua rau 3-4. Koj tus kws pab tswv yim tuaj yeem pab koj txiav txim siab qhov no.
Kauj Ruam 6. Tham nrog ib tus txheeb ze lossis phooj ywg uas ntseeg siab tau
Tham nrog ib tus txheeb ze lossis phooj ywg tuaj yeem pab koj daws nrog koj tus txiv. Lawv kuj tseem tuaj yeem qhia koj tias qhov teeb meem no tau tshwm sim ntev npaum li cas. Puas yog nws zoo li no txij thaum nws tseem hluas? Los yog nws yog kev txhim kho tsis ntev los no?
- Tham nrog cov neeg hauv koj tsev neeg lossis koj tus txiv txog nws yav dhau los. Puas muaj tej yam hauv nws yav dhau los koj ob leeg tuaj yeem ua haujlwm dhau los uas yuav pab daws qhov teeb meem no?
- Nug cov phooj ywg thiab cov txheeb ze seb lawv tau ua dab tsi yav dhau los los nrog koj tus txiv. Lawv yuav muaj kev paub ntau dua koj.
Kauj Ruam 7. Sim nrhiav lub hauv paus ntawm qhov teeb meem
Txiv neej muaj kev nyab xeeb ib yam nkaus, thiab qee zaum lawv tuaj yeem ua rau nws qee zaum hauv txoj kev tsis txaus siab. Yog tias qhov kev xav ntawm tus kheej tsis ntev los no, sim nrhiav seb muaj dab tsi tshwm sim uas ua rau nws pib ua yeeb yam zoo li no. Nkag mus rau hauv nws nkawm khau kom paub tias vim li cas nws thiaj mob.
- Piv txwv li, yog tias nws raug mob, lossis koj nyuam qhuav tau txais txoj haujlwm tshiab, nws yuav zoo li nws tsis txaus. Yog li, nws yuav tau sim ncaj qha rau nws tus kheej.
- Yog tias koj tus txiv hais tias, "Kuv lub neej tsis yog qhov kuv vam tias nws yuav yog," teb nrog qee yam xws li, "Tej zaum tsis yog, tab sis peb muaj ntau yam zoo. Peb tuaj yeem ua haujlwm ntawm yam uas koj tsis txaus siab nrog. " Tom qab ntawd, taw qhia cov khoom zoo hauv koj lub neej thiab kev sib raug zoo, tom qab ntawd pab nws sau cov npe uas koj tuaj yeem ua haujlwm ua ke kom hloov pauv.
- Yog tias koj tus txiv tau raug mob lossis raug mob, qhia nws, "Zib ntab, Kuv paub koj tsis yog 100% tam sim no, tab sis qhov ntawd tsis ua rau koj tsawg dua ntawm ib tus neeg/txiv neej," lossis "Kuv txoj haujlwm tshiab tsis ua cuam tshuam rau txoj kev kuv saib koj. Koj muab ntau dua li kev them nyiaj rau qhov kev sib raug zoo no."
Kauj Ruam 8. Tshawb xyuas seb koj tus txiv puas kam hloov pauv
Yog tias koj tus txiv txaus siab hloov pauv, tej zaum yuav muaj txoj hauv kev rau koj ob leeg los daws teeb meem. Yog tias koj tus txiv tsis kam hloov pauv, tej zaum yuav tsis muaj kev cia siab ua kom muaj kev sib raug zoo dua.
Tham nrog nws txog nws tus cwj pwm thiab saib nws ua li cas. Koj tuaj yeem pib nrog kev ua siab ncaj, los ntawm kev hais tias, "Kuv xav tias kuv raug coj mus rau qhov pom zoo thiab qhov kev sib raug zoo no hais txog koj ntau dua kuv." Txawm li cas los xij, qhov no yuav tsis ua haujlwm rau cov narcissists loj. Hloov chaw, pib sib tham nrog kev dag ntxias thiab ua txhua yam txog nws. Hais tias, "Koj yog tus muab kev pabcuam zoo thiab muaj zog nyob hauv txoj kev sib raug zoo no," thiab tom qab ntawd nkag mus rau koj cov kev txhawj xeeb ua tib zoo
Kauj Ruam 9. Muab khoom plig me me rau nws
Qee lub sij hawm, sim kom tau tus kws sau keeb kwm keeb kwm los ua tej yam yuav tsum ua haujlwm me ntsis ntawm koj ib sab. Sim ua kom tau txais txiaj ntsig los txhawb kom nws pab koj. Qhov no pab koj hloov nws qhov kev cia siab los ntawm nws tau txais txhua yam nws xav tau rau nws kom tau txais yam nws xav tau thaum koj tau txais yam koj xav tau ib yam.
Yog tias koj xav kom nws txiav nyom, qhia nws tias koj yuav ua ib yam dab tsi rau nws tom qab nws txiav nyom. Piv txwv li, "Yog tias koj txiav nyom rau kuv lub asthiv no, kuv yuav ua nqaij qaib tis thiab ncuav qab zib rau koj cov poker game hnub Tuesday tom ntej." Nco ntsoov tias qhov khoom plig yog tom qab ua haujlwm. Txoj kev ntawd nws pib nkag siab tias nws xav tau kev pab koj ua ntej tau txais khoom plig
Kauj Ruam 10. Muab nws mloog
Koj tus txiv yog koj tus khub thiab tsim nyog tau txais kev hlub. Muab nws mloog tsis txhais hais tias pub nws tus kheej. Siv sijhawm nrog nws, qhia nws tias koj hlub nws, txiav txim siab txog yam haujlwm uas yuav tsum ua tom qab ua haujlwm lossis hnub so ua ke. Sib tham ib hnub dhau ib hnub. Qhov kev saib xyuas zoo li no yuav tsum ua rau tus neeg hais lus ncaj ncees vim tias koj tau mob siab rau nws.
- Siv sijhawm ib nrab teev lossis plaub caug tsib feeb ua ke txhua hmo tham txog koj hnub. Kom paub tseeb tias nws mloog koj, hais tias, "Peb txhua tus tuaj yeem siv sijhawm ib nrab teev los tham txog peb cov hnub," lossis hais kom hloov rov qab los ntawm cov dab neeg.
- Thaum xaiv cov haujlwm thaum hnub so, teeb tsa yam uas nws yog lub hauv paus ntawm kev saib xyuas. Yog tias koj xav mus saib cov yeeb yaj kiab, hais tias, "Kuv paub tias koj xav pom cov yeeb yaj kiab tshiab, vim li cas peb thiaj tsis mus saib nws?" Yog tias koj xav mus kev taug kev, hais tias, "Koj zoo li koj tuaj yeem siv qee qhov kev nyuab siab; cia peb mus kev nce toj."
Kauj Ruam 11. Ua siab ntev
Nco ntsoov tias kev hloov pauv tus cwj pwm loj ib txwm siv sijhawm. Tsis txhob cia siab tias yuav hloov sai. Txuas ntxiv ua siab mos siab muag, khuv leej, nkag siab, thiab hlub.
- Teem ib qho piv txwv ntawm kev txo hwj chim los tawm tsam nws kev ntxub ntxaug. Tsis txhob hais lus thuam lossis qhia kev txo hwj chim.
- Ua siab ncaj thaum koj ntsuas nws qhov kev nce qib. Puas yog nws mob siab rau hloov pauv? Puas yog nws tseem ua phem rau koj? Puas yog kev sib raug zoo tsim nyog txuas ntxiv muab koj tus kheej ntau rau?
Ntu 3 ntawm 3: Saib Xyuas Koj Tus Kheej
Kauj Ruam 1. Tsim kom muaj kev ntseeg ruaj khov hauv kev sib yuav
Ua qhov chaw rau koj tus kheej hauv kev sib yuav. Ua qee yam tswj hwm txhua yam, txawm tias nws yog nyiaj, tsev, poj niam txiv neej, lossis lwm yam. Cov neeg Narcissistic feem ntau xav tias lawv yog tus neeg tseem ceeb tshaj plaws hauv kev sib raug zoo; nco ntsoov tias koj tus txiv paub koj yog ib qho tseem ceeb rau kev sib yuav zoo li nws.
Muaj kev lom zem hauv qee qhov xwm txheej. Yog tias koj tus txiv xav tias nws zoo tag nrho, siv kev lom zem los tshem qhov kev xav ntawd. Pab nws pom nws tsis zoo tag nrho, zoo tshaj plaws, lossis nruab nrab ntawm lub qab ntuj khwb. Qhia rau nws paub tias nws tseem ceeb thiab koj hlub nws, tab sis lwm tus neeg tseem ceeb, ib yam
Kauj Ruam 2. Nco ntsoov tias koj tsim nyog
Cov neeg narcissistic feem ntau xav tias muaj cai tau txais kev kho kom zoo; nws yuav xav tias, "Kuv tsim nyog tau txais kev kho tshwj xeeb vim kuv tau nyiaj thiab them cov nqi." Tsis muaj dab tsi muab nws txoj cai los kho koj lossis lwm tus neeg yam tsis hwm.
Nco ntsoov tias los ntawm kev ntsib koj tus txiv tus tswv tsev ntawm lwm cov teeb meem yuav tshwm sim. Teeb ob peb txoj cai hauv av thiab ua raws lawv. Ib txwm teeb tsa lub sijhawm teeb liab tawm; koj ob leeg yuav xav tau sijhawm kom nyob ntsiag to ua ntej txuas ntxiv kev sib tham. Yog tias qhov no tsis pab ces mus rau kev sab laj ua ntej nws yuav mob ntxiv
TSWV YIM TSHUAJ
Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M. A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.
Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
Children of narcissistic parents choose narcissistic partners
Adam Dorsay, a licensed psychologist, says: “Unfortunately many children of narcissistic parents choose narcissistic spouses because that’s all they know. They feel compelled to repeat the relationship and have a different outcome. They often think they can marry, get love from, and save the narcissist. The bad news is they aren’t going to get love from a narcissist.”
Kauj Ruam 3. Rov qab koj txoj kev ntseeg siab
Narcissistic kev sib raug zoo tuaj yeem cuam tshuam tsis zoo rau koj txoj kev ntseeg siab. Pib tsim nws rov qab. Siv qhov kev ntseeg siab ntawd los daws cov xwm txheej uas koj tus txiv cuam rau koj, siv nws kom muaj zog thaum nws dag, thiab siv nws kom nyob ntsiag to thaum nws yuav tsis teb zoo rau koj sim tham.
Nrhiav yam koj nyiam. Ib feem ntawm kev ntseeg siab rau koj tus kheej yog ua rau koj tus kheej xav tias tseem ceeb thiab tseem ceeb. Kawm xaws khaub ncaws, kawm chav seev cev, pib khiav, lossis pib sau ntawv. Ua tej yam uas ua rau koj zoo siab
Kauj Ruam 4. Kawm taug kev deb
Thaum koj tus txiv poob nws npau taws vim tias qee yam tsis mus nws txoj kev, nco ntsoov qhov no tsuas yog txoj hauv kev los tswj koj. Taug kev deb, tawm hauv chav, tawm hauv tsev, lossis yob koj ob lub qhov muag. Qhov no ua rau nws lub zog qis dua koj, uas txhawb koj lub zog.
Kauj Ruam 5. Tsim kom muaj kev txhawb nqa
Koj yuav xav tau kev txhawb nqa txij li koj tus txiv tsis muab rau koj. Cov kab ke no tuaj yeem suav nrog cov phooj ywg, tsev neeg, lossis cov kws paub txog kev noj qab haus huv. Lawv tuaj yeem pab koj muaj kev ntseeg siab, muaj zog, thiab muaj txiaj ntsig zoo.
Kauj Ruam 6. Txiav txim siab tawm ntawm kev sib yuav
Yog tias kev sib raug zoo tau mus txog qhov uas nws tau tsim txom, ntau dua li koj tuaj yeem ua tau, lossis ua rau koj lub siab thiab kev noj qab haus huv puas tsuaj, nws yuav yog lub sijhawm sib cais lossis sib nrauj.
- Ua siab ncaj yog tias koj xav sib nrauj. Thaum tham nrog kws lij choj, tsis txhob ua siab deb. Ntau dua li yuav, tus kws sau zaj dab neeg yuav muaj kev xav, yog li koj xav nthuav qhia tus neeg sau. Qhia qhov tseeb thaum koj piav qhia koj tus txiv tus cwj pwm yam tsis npau taws lossis tuav tes. Ua siab ncaj thiab muaj tseeb.
- Tam sim no tus qauv ntawm tus cwj pwm. Ua tib zoo hu koj tus txiv ua narcissist vim tias kws lij choj yuav tsis paub tias txhais li cas. Hloov chaw, qhia cov kws lij choj nws tus cwj pwm coj tsis ncaj ncees.
